When we were young, we were always asked to write essays about "What I Want to Be". But, do you actually head towards that dream of yours?
Or are you being trapped between dreams and reality? Like me.
When I was young, I wanted to be a doctor.
But I realized I was pretty afraid to see people in pain, so I dropped the idea.
Then, I thought of being a scientist! Like Einstein!
But I always failed science in school! :<
So yeah, harsh but I got the point that I wasn't cut out for it.
Then, under influence of HK dramas, a police! Or rather, detective!
Bought a whole set of detective comics and story books! And I really loved it! Cracking mysteries and catching baddies! BUT THEN AGAIN, in Singapore..it wasn't as cool as the TV & books. So yeah, felt cheated but..oh well.
OK! finally down to Music & Art.
Which accompanied me throughout my years in High School.
I'm determined that I loved Singing and drawing, up till this very moment in life!
But my parents said things like "Music & Art, what can you be? Designer? Performer? or what?"
I know I'm not talented in the sense that I could draw a 3D human portrait at the age of 3, but hey, I CAN DRAW. And I know I'm not like some Music Genius that like Connie Talbot. But, I'm not that bad either! (I THINK!!!) But what they say are true. Only the strongest live in those industries, and I clearly know I'm not the best. I don't have confidence I could excel and earn bucks through it. But these are the things I love. My passion. My dreams.
(I wish I could sing on the same stage as JJ Lin one day! hehehe!)
Many a times between these 3 years in Polytechnic studying Maritime, I ask myself,
"What the fondue am I doing in this fondue course?!"
I don't even know what I'm studying nor do I have any bit of interest in this industry!
And after attachment, I could confidently conclude, I HATE OFFICE JOBS! Like seriously. I've been regretting throughout these years that I didn't go for the Design course I was elected into in TP! And now I'm memorizing tons and tons of boring non-related information! My results for the first year was obviously borderlines, till I decided to do this well once and for all instead of wasting the money and time in it for a bad graded certificate. After all, regrets are just part and parcels of life.
But anyway, why am I ranting so much?
BECAUSE I'M GRADUATING & ITS TIME TO MAKE A DECISION AGAIN!
FONDUE!
& I hate making decisions!
I hear everyone around me discussing about what they're gonna do after they graduate. Guys would be in army, girls would work or continue studying bla bla bla bla bla.
AND WHEN I HEAR THEM TALK ABOUT WHAT THEY WANT TO DO IN LIFE.
I FEEL SO LOST!
I don't know what to choose.
Music:
I don't know if I'd be able to excel in it. Whether I'll be successful. Whether I can make a living out of it. But it's something I really love doing. It'd be a perfect career.
Maritime:
It's a super boring subject that is just super absolutely boring. Possible jobs are boring too! :/ But the pay is pretty high! Starting from 1.8K for Poly Graduates!
OR
Further Studies:
Where to study? Local? Overseas? What course to study? Business? Design? Advertising? Maritime? Music?
Start Working First:
Work as what? Piano Teacher? Office job in Maritime Industry?
I feel damn stressed over this :(
I don't have much time left to think. And I don't want to regret my decision after I make it.
I don't know what I really want in life.
Dreams or Reality?
Something I live for or something that allows me to live!
DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
I really don't know!
:<
