Noelle Mikazuki

The Awesome One

Jan 14, 2011

Dreams VS Reality

When we were young, we were always asked to write essays about "What I Want to Be". But, do you actually head towards that dream of yours?
Or are you being trapped between dreams and reality? Like me.

When I was young, I wanted to be a doctor.
But I realized I was pretty afraid to see people in pain, so I dropped the idea.

Then, I thought of being a scientist! Like Einstein!

But I always failed science in school! :<
So yeah, harsh but I got the point that I wasn't cut out for it.

Then, under influence of HK dramas, a police! Or rather, detective!
Bought a whole set of detective comics and story books! And I really loved it! Cracking mysteries and catching baddies! BUT THEN AGAIN, in wasn't as cool as the TV & books. So yeah, felt cheated but..oh well.

OK! finally down to Music & Art.
Which accompanied me throughout my years in High School.
I'm determined that I loved Singing and drawing, up till this very moment in life!

But my parents said things like "Music & Art, what can you be? Designer? Performer? or what?"
I know I'm not talented in the sense that I could draw a 3D human portrait at the age of 3, but hey, I CAN DRAW. And I know I'm not like some Music Genius that like Connie Talbot. But, I'm not that bad either! (I THINK!!!) But what they say are true. Only the strongest live in those industries, and I clearly know I'm not the best. I don't have confidence I could excel and earn bucks through it. But these are the things I love. My passion. My dreams.
(I wish I could sing on the same stage as JJ Lin one day! hehehe!)

Many a times between these 3 years in Polytechnic studying Maritime, I ask myself,
"What the fondue am I doing in this fondue course?!"
I don't even know what I'm studying nor do I have any bit of interest in this industry!
And after attachment, I could confidently conclude, I HATE OFFICE JOBS! Like seriously. I've been regretting throughout these years that I didn't go for the Design course I was elected into in TP! And now I'm memorizing tons and tons of boring non-related information! My results for the first year was obviously borderlines, till I decided to do this well once and for all instead of wasting the money and time in it for a bad graded certificate. After all, regrets are just part and parcels of life.

But anyway, why am I ranting so much?


& I hate making decisions!

I hear everyone around me discussing about what they're gonna do after they graduate. Guys would be in army, girls would work or continue studying bla bla bla bla bla.



I don't know what to choose.

I don't know if I'd be able to excel in it. Whether I'll be successful. Whether I can make a living out of it. But it's something I really love doing. It'd be a perfect career.

It's a super boring subject that is just super absolutely boring. Possible jobs are boring too! :/ But the pay is pretty high! Starting from 1.8K for Poly Graduates!


Further Studies:
Where to study? Local? Overseas? What course to study? Business? Design? Advertising? Maritime? Music?

Start Working First:
Work as what? Piano Teacher? Office job in Maritime Industry?

I feel damn stressed over this :(
I don't have much time left to think. And I don't want to regret my decision after I make it.

I don't know what I really want in life.
Dreams or Reality?

Something I live for or something that allows me to live!

I really don't know!



mint said...

first of all, don't think of anyone else. think of yourself. imagine yourself.

then, imagine where you are. don't sidetrack your thoughts. is there somewhere you always imagine yourself to be? a scenario? a place? something worth fighting for? you want it no matter what?

even if it isn't easy, even if it isn't clear to you, just take things one step at a time.
go out there! read some stuffs! look online!
just keep in mind that there is ALWAYS something for you.
you can't accomplish anything by just spamming thoughts, or flooding yourself.

remember: one at a time.

i know how it feels to be lost, not knowing where to go and people ard are just stressing you out. just .. think within yourself! look within yourself. even if its a small step, take it!

all the best! <3


allen chung said...

Baby Dear, If I were to pick up only 1 thing through the 3 years I have been through with you, it would be to support you and never let you regret again. I hate to see you upset. Life cant be undone and this only comes once. I want you to listen to your heart closely and chose. Something which you like and you will never feel like you are draggin yourself to work again. Just remember that no matter what decision you make, I would be behind you.

I will learn to love you as who you are dear.

Shyan said...

this has been on my mind ever since attachment started, till now!i am lost too:X good luck in finding the path you've always desired!:)