Noelle Mikazuki

Dec 4, 2010

Just A Failure

I'm just a failure in every single thing in life.

I'm not a good student,
not a good daughter,
not a good sister,
not a good niece,
not a good girlfriend,
not a good friend,
not a good musician.

I try my best to do so many things, but I'm never achieving anything in life.
Everytime I want something so badly, the thing never gets to me, never.

Job, Hopes, Love, Freedom, everything.

I'm just a failure in every single aspect of life.
fuckmylife.

Who can live life worse than me.

I try so hard to make everyone around me happy everyday.
But I always fail to do so. I always end up making them upset.
I try so hard to study, to try to get into a university.
But I always fail to do so. I always end of flunking my exams, letting my emotions take the better of me.
I try so hard to find a job I want, just one job.
But I always fail to do so. I always end up jobless, always finding relations to get jobs.
I try so hard to be a good daughter, to make my parents worry less about me.
But I always fail to do so. I always end up making them upset and worried about me.
I try so hard to gain my freedom, to let my parents trust me to stay over at chalets.
But I always fail to do so. I'm just someone they cannot trust and leave me to be with friends.
I try so hard to be a good gf, to make my bf be himself while he's with me.
But I always fail to do so. I always end up creating barriers in him, making him upset.
I try so hard to be a good friend, a listener, someone's that's always there.
But I always fail to do so. I always end up busy with my stuff, neglecting my friends.
I try so hard to work for something I want in life.
But I always fail to do so. Not because I don't put in my best effort, but because I can't get it.
I try so hard to be a good singer, someone who sings to express.
But I always fail to do so. I'm not cut out for it.

I try so hard to be so many things in life.
But I always fail.

I'm just a failure.

I persevered for 19, 19 years of my life.
But what am I today? Nothing but a failure.
Always optimistic, always trying to find excuses to continue my beliefs, but what happened?
I still fail.

I fucked my own life.

Everyone's studying now, planning for their future roads in life.
University, Work, Overseas, etc.

Me?
I don't even know what the fuck i want in life anymore.

I just want to leave this world tonight in my dreams.
Please Santa, if you can't give me what I really want for Christmas, please grant me this last wish of mine.

I'm really very exhausted in every single thing in life.
I really don't want this life anymore.

Just let me be irresponsible, just this once and last time, can I?