Noelle Mikazuki

The Awesome One

May 20, 2013

Random Reflection

I've decided to blog tonight.

Nothing fanciful, no pictures, no advertisements, none of these.
I just really want to pen down my thoughts here, tonight.

Tonight's a night that I'm feeling pretty emotional.
No particular reasons, it's just a sudden late night reflection.

I read back my old blogs, old posts and it struck me so badly that..I've changed.

Probably some might say that it's for the better, I'm maturing.
But some may feel that I've became complicated, just like the rest.

I used to be someone that was really straight to the point.
(Even though I still am now, to a certain extend)
Whenever I'm unhappy, it's all written in my face. 
I wasn't someone that could control my emotions nor think logically without getting affected by my emotions. Especially when it comes to relationship VS work.
Not only BGR, friendships too.
Whenever my relationships are down, I totally have no mood to work, at all.
I skipped school, skipped work, almost skipped exams.
I'd tweet/FB/blog about all my unhappiness and cry and as some people always name me after, "Drama queen".

But look at what I am today.

Even when I'm facing troubles/problems in life/relationships, I barely show them.
Some friends that know me at the surface level will feel 
"Why are you always so happy? You're such a lucky girl, so blessed to be without problems"
But no. It's not that I do not have problems.
It's just because I don't show them out. I don't go around indirectly announcing to the world on my social platforms that I quarrel with my bf/friend/family or how unfair the world is to me.

I've learnt to keep things inside me so much that sometimes I don't even share my problems with my closest friends or my bf or family.
And I swear, it's fucking tiring to do so.

I know that you guys probably think, then just open up and share!

It's not so easy. Especially after you've been through so much in life.
You don't really know who to trust, what to trust.
And I guess this would only be understood by the people who have been through certain stages in life where we're forced to learn it the hard way.

Sometimes I really wish I could learn how to manage my emotions like now, but yet have the simple mindset like how I did back then. 
But no, you'll never have it all in life.
You have one, you lose one.

But then again..this is part of growing up, isn't it?

P.S. Sorry for the emotional post. 


[z]en said...

Indeed, you can never have it all in life. I guess the hardest things is to find a person who can give you the space to "let go all your Armour" isn't it.

Anonymous said...

Just chanced upon this post on the web. Well, got to say that that's life all about. You cannot trust anyone besides yourself. Yes, not even your parents/siblings.